How to Fail

pretending to be on a podcast with Elizabeth Day

When I’m washing up, I sometimes have conversations in my head based around imaginary scenarios. Normally, I’ll be reading the news, or presenting something on the tele. I’ve done this ever since I was small. Maybe it’s some kind of involuntary form of escapism or the subconscious part of my mind finding creative ways to work things out. This afternoon, I was pouring the dregs of a carton of sour milk into the sink when I caught myself in make-believe conversation with Elizabeth Day, and she was asking me for my 3 failures.

When I realised where I’d drifted off to, I was mid-way through telling Elizabeth that my first was failing to be a freelancer.

In typical Elizabeth Day style, she reframed it, and told me that I hadn’t really failed, I’d succeeded in many ways, but I was now ready to put down my sword and exit the battlefield.*

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* I learnt recently - from a meme on instagram, so this might need fact-checking - that the word, ‘freelancer’ comes from a medieval term for a mercenary warrior who is sworn to no lord and is therefore known as a literal free lance. Therefore, self-employment = a solo fight.

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After 4 and a bit years of working at it full-time, I’ve decided to step back from teaching yoga at the end of the year, and close down this part of my business.

This isn’t an overnight switch - it’s been (& I’ve been..) cracking for a while now - and although I’ve spent the best part of this year trying to patch us up and hold us together, it’s time to put down the glue stick.

I know it’s the right decision because even though I still get the odd wave of thinking, “if only I could just-”, there’s no oomph behind it anymore. I’m ready for some space, some stability, and ironically, having spent half a decade working in the world of well-being, I’d just like to feel well.

illustration by Isabella Cotier

So, Elizabeth is telling me that I haven’t failed, I’ve given it a good go, and along with the letter of resignation is an invitation for a different kind of life - one where I feel a bit more free, a bit less stressed, and all round a bit more myself.

Before I go on to share my second and third failures with her, Elizabeth punctuates the list by telling me that failure is the ingredient that gives success its flavour, and she wants me to tell her what I’ve learnt from my failings as a freelance yoga teacher and therapist.

I’ve actually learnt a lot, I tell her. Some lessons have been very hard, others will stay with me forever, some might even be useful for you too if you’re reading this. So, here are 5 of the big ones :

1. My mum was 100% right when she said that when you work for yourself, you have to wear all the hats and be all the things (especially when you’re starting out and don’t have the funds to outsource). Your roles include : staff well-being services, HR, admin, comms, marketing manager, content creator, accountant, event planner, facilitator, face-of, tea-maker + more.

2. All the seasoned holistic therapists I know who said that taking care of yourself is crucial to sustain your capacity to continue in this line of work, were also right… and I suppose my second failure is that I let myself down here - I didn’t take their advice on board and let myself burnout out again and again… maybe it was inevitable and unavoidable at times, but neglecting my own well-being was never going to help me create a sustainable business or cultivate that all-important work/life balance.

3. Good friends just want what’s best for you, whatever that looks like. I’ve met some of my best friends since I started working for myself - many of whom are also self-employed or have irregular working patterns - but fortunately, making this transition has shown me that those connections were never conditional upon us both working for ourselves, or on our jobs or dreams staying the same… I actually feel a bit silly for ever worrying about that now.

4. Resist the urge to compare yourself to others, especially when you only know of them through the lens of social media. I would often fall into the comparison trap, until I learnt that most of the people I was comparing myself to had wildly different circumstances to my own.

5. This last one is cringey, and there are countless variations of this saying, but the sentiment is ultimately true, and my decision to let go boils down to this: “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.”

I pulled myself out of the conversation once I realised I was in it, swilled out the carton of milk with hot water and used the steam to help me squash it down to save space in the recycling bag. Maybe I’ll drift back to this day-dream and unpick my third failure another time ~

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I’ll be teaching 4 more classes at CREATE Studios in Leicester before I roll up my yoga mat. If you’d like to join me, sign up here.

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BONUS CONTENT !

Here are 4 songs I’ve loved listening to whilst navigating this big change…

These two are good for the days when you want to pretend you’re in a montage scene, looking out the window whilst sat on a train:

These two are good when you’re stuck in the swamp… when it feels like nothing is moving, and you need some hope and motivation to help lift you out:

Big Love,

Freya x